Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

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Immortal Cyan
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Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by Immortal Cyan »

https://www.shattered-universe.com/doku ... oneysuckle

A Jongwu breed made exclusively by a corporation that I'm gonna submit...later (which is currently in procrasination hell). Probably am going to make more. :D
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Kim
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by Kim »

Making your Waifu Cat girls from actual cats. XD Thank you for writing this Immortal.
I also write webcomics~
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by CadetNewb »

Overall, a pretty solid article. I think it implies that this research group - which doesn't appear affiliated with Tai Pan proper - piggybacked/reverse engineered the Empire's Jongwu efforts to start creating their own as well. At least that's the impression I got, and there's nothing wrong with that. The only criticisms I'd make would be to use the bullet points at the bottom for the most distinctive and important things that need pointing out, rather than the standard traits that are expected of them such as better vision. A single bullet point stating that they're very Taianese in ability would cover a lot actually, but even then it can just be included in the paragraph there too.
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by Immortal Cyan »

Edits executed! @CadetNewb
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by CadetNewb »

It's worth noting that they'd fall under the high-end of Jongwu if they share the networking/VR abilities with their Taianese masters. Specifically point out if they have it or not, and that'll be that!
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by Immortal Cyan »

It's been a while but I just finished the requested edits. Thanks in Advance!
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by CadetNewb »

Ugh, I feel like an idiot. I'm very sorry @Immortal Cyan , I didn't realize sooner that the production area is in The Alliance. This would be illegal for them I believe, though perfectly ok anywhere in Tai Pan. Strictly speaking though, you don't have to name the makers, or even where they were made, and we'd be ok if you wanna go that route.
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by Immortal Cyan »

Edits made! @CadetNewb
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Re: Vanilla Honeysuckle/Immortal Cyan/October 29, 2019

Post by CadetNewb »

Approved!
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