Aside # 6: High in the Clouds

[Kim]

20th of the first Month, 3018 GSC
ASV Avern Liad - Private Suite
Heled
High Orbit

The Calla was never meant to carry troops, though Isao had made sure that their ship could carry them. His full complement of troops down in the Cargo Hold had set up a very organized camp that despite what it was made out of was still uniform and military. Though as much as he valued his troops and how they valued him, he needed a personal area to conduct himself and his rank was only a step.

He was a guest on the ship, and a commander. Through a bit of shrewd diplomacy, he secured the ship's private suite for himself as a separation from the troops, a personal war room, and a bed that was much more comfortable than the folding cots.

He was dressed in the red clothes that he wore underneath his armor. His armor was on a wooden rack in the corner, full helmet and all. His family Katana sat on a custom stand, the empty hands for the Wakizashi a constant reminder of his mistakes.

Isao himself was sitting on his bed, attempting to meditate to calm his errant nerves. He had tremors that followed him ever since returning home from the derelict, but he kept them in check well enough until he had too. He never let them show in public, it would bring only more shame.

There was a soft knock outside the door to Isao's chambers. "Isao," the voice was feminine and on the lower range, with a hint of a Japanese accent. "Are you awake?"

The Banished Samurai held his tremors, "Yes, what is it? You are not one of mine." Isao looked towards the door, setting his mental strength to keeping the tremors at bay.

"I am one of hers, it would be best to speak in private, if it would please you to speak with me," came the soft reply.

Isao had the door unlocked, "Come." He was kneeled on his bed at the point compared to his meditating sitting stance.

The woman slipped into the room. She was about the same height as Aleksasha but her colors were subdued- mid-back length, silvery blonde hair pulled half up by a braided crown and porcelain skin contrasted starkly with the well-tailored black uniform that hugged and accentuated her curves. If it wasn't for the coloration and the human ears, she could have been Lady Bloodtree's body double. The Wyvern appraised Isao with curious milky jade green eyes.

Isao looked calm, his eyes meeting hers quietly. "How may I serve the House of Whitemeadow?" He didn't seem to move his hands, having them placed adamantly on both of his legs to control his tremors for the moment. It was out of both uneasiness and a slight fear of what this woman had to say.

"I am here for you," the Wyvern softly intoned. She lingered in front of the door waiting for the audible click before she closed the distance between them. As she drew closer, it was more obvious that her eyes were off, they were cloudy, they gleamed in the light like green opals. "More specifically, I am here to see how you are faring... in a sense." Her smile was soft, warm despite the pallor of her features. "I am Ilona Zaraki."

She sensed his concern and raised her hands and did a short, slow turn for his benefit- she bore no visible weapons, and no noticeable bulges beneath the well fitted uniform that would have interrupted the hauntingly familiar lines of her hips, legs, or the curve of her breasts. The golden winged serpent of the Uial lug was more visible on her right forearm bracer as her sleeve shifted away from it. "If it pleases you, you can check me for weapons, if the visual isn't enough. I am not here to harm you, assassins do not announce themselves." Perhaps she was a yurei come to haunt him.

Isao did not move for his sword, in fact all he did movement wise was breathe. His eyes were busy trying to figure out if he was just seeing things. He knew how she looked, and he didn't have the thought to ask. He didn't speak a statement of his state, nor about his thoughts. He just simply blinked in a skewered non-belief and confusion.

After enough silence, he shook his head. "If you had come to kill me, you would have done so. Or... you would at least give me the honor of being at ease." Isao blinked slowly, still very confused.

Ilona sat beside him and smiled gently. "You have some questions? You can ask first. Mine are just about how you are." Even her perfume was the same as Aleksasha's, it reminded him of a garden after a spring rain. "Would you prefer it if I was here to kill you?"

"I am lucky, I always have the feeling that the Lord Whitemeadow wants me dead but either cannot find the time to do it himself or the assignment to do so. My question is simple, you look like the Lady Whitemeadow yet you are obviously not. This vexes me, for I am surprised that I sudden have favor from someone who'd be much more... angered with my presence in orbit." Isao was confused to the point where he didn't know he was speaking in much longer and broader terms than usual.

"I am most surprised that the House of Whitemeadow has not decided to have me brought to the noose, the line, or the cloth for my crime."

"Trained and experienced men are in short supply, it is better to keep them, though I would not argue that the scandal has left its mark on the psyche of the city," she spoke as she met his eyes, a strand of her silvery hair had fallen out of place onto her cheek. "The duel was his definitive act. I would not necessarily consider my presence sign of favor. We judge the state of things with our own eyes rather than the words of others." Ilona placed her hand over top of one of Isao's seeming to notice the slight tremors there. "Are you that marked by this?"

Isao hesitated to respond and for a moment seemed taken aback. "No... but its result did not make them any better. I've had these for three or four years, I gained them while stranded and fighting the SMX on a derelict far from here. This is a reason why I denied to see the Vekimen doctor while I was still in favor, these make me appear weak and frail, they tear at my heritage of being raised in the shadow of a greater man. I have just come to live with them and they with me."

At this point, the tremor had begun to die down as his mood relaxed from its heightened state. They would return, but it would be probably much later.

"We all live in someone else's shadow. We have the potential to move beyond it, if we desire to step into the light." Ilona paused with a reassuring smiled. Her hand lingered on top of his, it was soft and warm despite the telltale calluses of a soldier. "What causes them?" She asked gently, though she had a sense of it. Her leg brushed against his as she kept his gaze.

Isao was wary of the situation, even though he knew they wouldn't be bothered unless something happened. "I was part of the Emperor's fleet, and we encountered a foreign derelict that wasn't a known Xeno in origin. I went over with a recon team and the following events led me to nearly dying on that ship for years. What I've endured, watching all my comrades die and die permanently as well as the aborations that became of them and the ship's original inhabitants... It was..." He seemed to trail off as if trying to find a word, his jaw moving idly for a second.

"It was like I was in purgatory, and no matter of medical expertise or combat experience can prepare you for that."

"I understand better than I care to admit," her fingers pressed more firmly against his. "The dreams can fade, it can get better. It still haunts you but, you are still alive." Her voice was low as she leaned forward and offered a empathetic smile.

Isao gave a hollow expression as his mind went over his fallen comrades' faces before finally focusing back on the woman in front of him. He wanted to agree but it was still fresh on his mind. "Though getting better at it is the hard part." He relaxed the hand that Ilona had placed hers on, the tremor somewhat felt but much more relaxed as his mind was at a sudden peace again.

"Talking about it generally helps, it puts it out into the void that it happened, that they mattered and that you haven't forgotten them." She gently rubbed the palm of his hand with her fingers. "The memory of such a thing would weigh down anyone that still possesses a heart, no matter how much iron is in their will." She paused for a moment, processing something before she continued.

"Are you afraid?" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she kept his gaze. Her own opalescent eyes caught the light revealing flecks of red and blue against the semi-opaque green. She was close enough that a thin white scar could be seen running along the curve of her cheek to the bottom of her full bottom lip.

"Who wouldn't be, I made the mistake of forgetting to think and the resulting aftershocks will follow me to the grave when this body finally ages. My honor lies with the House, and my survival rests on Aniseth's shoulders." Isao was giving a very solemn look, a look of a defeated man who had surrendered to fate's call. But in the very back of his eyes, his soul, the Asterian Samurai's happier side was resting idle and alone.

"I am the last of my family. My wife died defending her homeland, my son abandoned the family for which he is disowned, and here I am making all the mistakes that I warned my family not to make. I have learned and now I must live, if only to reap what I have sowed."

"There is no time limit on love or grief. Survival rests on you, we might be able to appeal the banishment if you are no longer a concern towards the Lord and his wife," Ilona commented softly. "I think you've been alone long enough, it drives people to acts of desperation."

Isao didn't respond, but he agreed through the expression on his face. It was an expression of solem clarity, silent in all but sight. After a moment he turned his head to Ilona and blinked quietly as if trying to formulate something but just couldn't find words.

Ilona waited quietly to see what con conclusion Isao would come up with on his own. She sat beside him, still touching him.

"But who... I've surrounded myself in soldiers, which is a complement to some and a falsification to others. I'm alone personally, I have no friends left in this sector. The Lord isn't an option, and the Lady would make things too suspect that something had rekindled. So who in the hell is left?" Isao's voice did not contain malice, but an intense feeling of question.

"I volunteered to come to you on her behalf. I can stay, if you wish me to," Ilona replied gently.

"I suppose you can stay, everything has to start somewhere. You have the item of you being able to get me to openly discuss my own failures as well as you are the only person that I know that knows of my tremors." Isao let his breathing relax somewhat more before seeming to look into nowhere for a moment. "Your company is very appreciated."

Ilona smiled brightly. "I'm glad. I am a doctor and a soldier, just let me know what you wish for me to do." She took his hand and placed it gently over her heart. "I am real. It takes time to settle ghosts but you won't have to do it alone."

"Just you being here is enough on its own, anything else is a gift." He let her move his hand to her heart and felt its rhythm. She was real, and there wasn't an overarching feeling of a mistake on his mind for the first time in years. He was at a gentle, calm peace. Isao didn't want that feeling to go away.

"I pray that I'm not keeping you from other business?" Ilona asked gently. "It's up to you how you wish to experience your gift."

Isao raised a brow for a moment. "I have no orders, we are simply waiting in orbit for another suicide mission or the end of the universe." He blinked as he thought to himself for a moment, "And what gift did you have in mind?" He knew what she meant, but he wanted to be absolutely sure.

Ilona leaned forward and kissed him softly in response.

"I thought that was what you meant." Isao moved a hand to brush her cheek as he spoke, "I'm wary of things, of what the walls hear. Are there ramifications? Will this keep you from other business?"

"I made the offer, I have no other ties and dependant on your answer, I am free to stay. I will always be an Uilal Lug but, I report to no one but myself." Ilona watched him. "My business is my own but the ramifications will be normal mundane things, for instance, love, feelings, children, life and death... it could be everything and nothing all at once. Or, I am just a friend assisting you as you need me to."

Isao seemed to think of the universe in the entirety of a second. "Time will tell, though now is not the time to try and look through the future and the life I can have. It is the time to count my blessings of the life I do have. Though I must ask one question, Ilona, and I wish you not take offense to it."

"The circumstances are unusual, I'm surprised there is only one." Ilona lightly replied.

"You have known me for less than a day, yet you are giving me this gift. I am by no means calling you a prostitute, but you are correct. The circumstances are very unusual." Isao's eyes looked curiously into hers, and despite all of the question held in his curiosity, he let his hand lay against the woman's chest.

"I have known you longer than you realise, so it was an easy choice for me to make." She offered another soft smile.

"Do tell, for I haven't the slightest clue." Isao turned himself to face Ilona, the curiosity having taken over his mind.

"The Taianese Army, we served together in the war," Ilona replied. "You probably never would have picked me out from the other mao zhanshi in the infantry. We never required much in the way of medical treatment, just maintenance."

"It was my job regardless, though that was back before the Species Integration push and the statement of Mao as a species. They were weapons then, they are... different back on the fleet. Everything is old compared to the vessels I have seen patrolling space. It's a different animal now." He didn't know what Mao she was, he'd seen thousands upon thousands of them throughout his service with the Taianese Army alone.

"That still begs the question, why? I was married, I fathered a child, what makes you interested in me? I'm a failed Samurai that escaped death because of pity. I am sincerely curious."

"We were always more than weapons. We didn't have a heartbeat but our hearts could still break. We could still love, hope and dream. What you and the other humans had... we couldn't touch. We weren't meant to have families, we had our sisters and our ships. Many of us yearned for life beyond our purpose." Ilona's voice was still soft, thoughtful as she carefully chose her words.

"You are a good person. It's such a rare thing to find people from that time. To see you again in this life after all of this time was a blessing. Attraction isn't easily explained or rationalized. I saw you then whole, complete. It pains me to see you as you are now. Perhaps, I have the vain hope that I can help piece back together someone who helped so many others."

Isao then gave a slightly hopeful smile and leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. "You have rationalized enough. We share a common hope, but you don't have to do this if you do not wish to." It wasn't until this moment that he realized that his tremor had completely subsided, which was a sign to him.

She smiled gently. "I know but, I want to. It's why I am here." Her hand shifted from her side to the side of his face. "I see you, Isao. I have always seen you."

Isao didn't respond verbally, he just matched eyes with hers speechless. He looked like he was going to try saying something and finally caught his words, "Stay, please."

Beneath his hand he could feel the rapid thump of her racing heartbeat and something like relief flashed across her eyes. "For as long as you'll have me."

Isao bent over to kiss her as a response.